The Human Circus turns four!

Another year, another 5000 videos posted by Klokov. And another birthday! Yes, the Human Circus, née “The Mint 400” way back in 2010, has just turned a ripe four years old. I have no conception of what four-year-old children do, but I imagine by that point they’re more or less fully-functioning adults: feeding themselves, wiping their own behinds, working in factories (their tiny fingers are perfect for assembling iPhones). Although most of what I know about children comes from medieval paintings, so I may be somewhat off in my assessment…

male-pattern baldness: the scourge of medieval babies everywhere...

male-pattern baldness: the scourge of medieval babies everywhere…

But no such luck for the Human Circus! Like a college graduate that refuses to move out of its parents’ basement, the Human Circus is stubbornly holding on to its carefree, childhood ways. Last year, in addition to previous wanderings, the monkeys hammering at typewriters made their way to Poland for the 2013 Worlds, Dallas for the 2013 American Open, Salt Lake City for the 2014 Nationals, and—of course—fabulous Columbus, Ohio, for the 2014 Arnold, where Mike Graber attempted to woo a certain someone using only the language of love and Google translate (part II of which is still forthcoming, once we clean all this monkey poop off our typewriters…).

Has this past year taught us anything? Yes, which is to bone up on our Spanish before inviting certain foreign ladies over. And also that Lu Xiaojun is essentially the Holy Grail of getting people to look at something weightlifting related. Consider that this video:

At the time of this writing has nearly 200,000 views. Not exactly a Justin Bieber video (thank the gods!) but still rather extraordinary. By way of comparison, consider that social media king Dmitry Klokov only has four videos with more views, and three of those four feature the words “Cross Fit” in the title.

A quick look at the stats for this site offer further testimony for the mythic appeal of Lu Xiaojun: nearly all the top searches feature Lu, or some variation on him. Here is a partial listing of the top search terms that lead to this site:

lu xiaojun
lu xiaojun diet
lu xiaojun training
lu xiaojun training program
lu xiaojun squat
dmitry klokov
lu xiaojun intercostals
klokov handsome
is lu xiaojun married
is there an acceptable number of man-crushes on weightlifters
what are the feelings in my loins when i think of klokov shirtless

Uh, I think you probably get the point. Of course, as a pedantic insightful reader recently pointed out, the beautiful serrations on Lu Xiaojun’s torso are not, in fact, his intercostals, but rather his serratus anterior. Yet the Human Circus has never bothered to concern itself overmuch with things like factual accuracy or truth in reporting. And I’m fairly certain that when you snatch nearly 100 kilos over bodyweight, as Mr Xiaojun did, the muscles of your body stop having any relationship to the anatomy of mere mortals, most of whom would be happy to snatch 100 kilos period. For all we know Lu’s intercostals are visible without dissection, and are currently engaged in various social engagements all across the world…

A 77-kilo man snatching nearly 100 kilos over bodyweight (photo credit: hookgrip.com)

“wait, should I be using my intercostals or my serratus anterior? oh shit…” (photo credit: hookgrip.com)

But great feats of strength and anatomy aside, the coming months of weightlifting are likely to be as exciting as ever. At this very moment the Asian Games are going on in Incheon, South Korea. As usual, the outstanding Gregor of All Things Gym is providing daily highlights and updates. Already we’ve seen some phenomenal lifting, including yet another triple-bodyweight clean and jerk (and World Record) by North Korea’s Om Yun Chol. This comes less than a year after he dislocated his elbow attempting this weight at the 2013 Worlds in Poland.

Just what are they feeding those athletes in North Korea??? (Apparently, all the food that’s not going to their average citizens. And maybe some of the stuff from their noo-cu-lar program…)

But I digress. The Asian Games are underway, in which Lu Xiaojun and his intercostals serratus anterior will be putting on a show, and in a few short weeks the World Championships open in glorious Almaty, Kazakhstan (consistently voted “One of the Ten Best Places to Live in Kazakhstan”).

And, in one of the most exciting developments to date, Khadzimurat Akkaev discussed his possible plans for a return to the platform. (Be still my heart…)

Only time will tell! Until then, the dedicated team of monkeys here at the Human Circus will get back to work on the Grabero and Lydiet saga, now that we’ve let them out for their annual hour of birthday sunlight. As always, we leave you in the grace and favor of a man whose screaming face alone has been known to add five kilos to your squat, burn fat, and—if not used carefully—spontaneously induce pregnancy.

"Why are there so many words on this page?!"

“WHY IS THERE STILL NO CAKE?!”

 

This entry was posted in olympic weightlifting, weightlifting and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *